The girls and I were driving around the other day running a couple of errands. This usually goes really well. We almost always turn the music up, roll the windows down and dance. And talk, and point out cloud shapes. Or play pirate and mermaids….where Charlie pretends to be a pirate captain getting the mermaid (me) in the front seat. We took coffee to Daddy and all was good. There was laughing, there was sunshine. But as parenting goes, that was one moment. And the next, we’re stuck in line between two cars at the Walgreens drive through picking up a prescription. Charlie tells me she needs to go potty. Can you hold it? I ask…We’ll be home in a few minutes, I say. I’m going potty mommy, she says. So the poor thing couldn’t hold it and had to sit in her now soaked car seat while we were stuck in line. And this made her really, really upset…she was crying, Tessy was crying, I was crying (kidding). But Charlie is incredibly sensitive to thinking I might be upset with her. She is now 3.5 and she’s in the midst of figuring out her emotions. I find this awesome. How powerful to witness a human literally growing and figuring herself out. Of course I wasn’t upset with her- I felt awful for not being able to provide a potty for her when she needed it. But such is life and that’s how the day goes sometimes. Nothing bath time and laughing at the craziness can’t fix.
But she kept saying, “Mommy, I won’t cry, I won’t cry.” “You can always, ALWAYS cry, my love,” I kept repeating. There has been a lot of teaching lately that emotions and feelings are good. That they are your right as a human to have. No matter what they are. There are times when I set boundaries about snacks, or bedtime, or treats. And she’ll tell me she’s angry at me. Good! Learn that emotion. You are allowed to be angry. But I am allowed to still set the boundary. And then the teaching goes on to talk about even through anger, it’s important to still be respectful.
I find myself saying little lines to her throughout the day and sometimes putting things into beautiful words can help bring the message to light in a more powerful way.
I am a huge poetry reader and Charlie sees me reading it all the time. She often asks me to read some of my books out loud to her, which I love. I used to write when I was younger a lot and my brain often thinks in little lines -sometimes I write them down. So, a poem I wrote and have been reading to her so she knows that feelings are good. They belong to YOU and they are yours to feel and process. And you have every right to feel whatever you want.
Your Feelings Are Yours
Today was a hard day
You were mad you were angry you were sad you were glad
Tomorrow we’ll try again
It’s okay to feel
It’s okay to be
Letting out feelings makes you feel free
The thing about feelings is that they’re all your own
You’re allowed to be all those things
You can feel how you feel
Your feelings are real
So listen to what they say
Don’t push them down
Let them be heard
So they don’t just sit in your heart
Say them out loud
Give them a voice
But then be done with them for the night
In the morning we’ll wake
And give thanks for the day
And see if those feelings have gone
For yesterday was hard
You were mad you were angry you were sad you were glad
And tomorrow we’ll try again
